In Vain
by windwhisprer
Summary: .::Oneshot no parrings::. A look into the lives Ratatosk stole. .::Massive spoilers for Emil's backstory::.


**A/N: **Unbeated. All mistakes are my own. Please enjoy! Also, spoilers for Emil's past. Don't say I didn't warn yah!

**In Vain **

Aster lay perfectly still, for if he moved, even an inch, the moment would be lost. He stared, cross eyed at the butterfly that rested gently on his nose. He held his breath to the point where his pale face was beginning to turn pink. With a gentle exhale of breath, the butterfly jumped up and fluttered away, silently, sweetly, leaving Aster to watch after it longingly. The butterfly was so free, so careless. Despite often needing to find the answers in everything in his world, Aster was perfectly able to sit back and enjoy the peace in his world. He had never been happier when the worlds had become one. It meant there was much more to learn, much more to see, and much more to explore.

The grass tickled his bare fingers as Aster let his eyes slip closed. He was just outside of Sybak, less than an hour's walk past the cities' gates. It was here that he found peace, away from the books, the people, everything. Here, Aster could simply lie and be himself.

"Ratatosk," he whispered, looking up towards the sky. The name that rolled off his lips was familiar. He had been researching the summon spirit for years, and soon, he would be able to finally meet the creature. Aster wondered idly what he would be like. He imagined the summon spirit as a kind benevolent man who would be grateful to help the people of the new world. He had, after all, brought life to the world. Wouldn't he want to help them restore balance and save the world?

Aster held out his hand, enjoying the contrast of his creamy skin against the bright blue sky. He briefly thought of Lloyd, the supposed hero of regeneration. He wondered how much Lloyd must've loved the world to set out and try and save it. Aster sometimes dreamed of going out and saving the world just like Lloyd did, and in a way, he would. Summoning Ratatosk from his slumber to help balance the mana would help save the world from the terrible weather that ravaged the world and its people.

"What the hell are you doing all the way out here?"

Aster didn't react to the sharp tone that cut through the silence like a swift knife. He let his hand drop back down into the soft grass, his fingers grazing the hard leather of a shoe.

Finally, Aster craned his head to look up in the upside down, crossed face of Richter.

An uncontrollable grin crossed his face. "You know, from this angle, you actually look like you're smiling," Aster said with a giggle.

Richter rolled his eyes, moving to take a seat next to his friend. His sword clinked as he moved, looking over at the blond-haired human who still had his neck cranked to smile up at him.

"You didn't answer me," Richter said, unable to come up with anything else intelligible.

"I came to hide from you!" Aster proclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air. "I came to the one place you'd never find me, yet you surprise me again and again with your ability to sniff me out."

Richter rolled his eyes.

Aster grinned, shoving at him from his awkward angle. "Aw, come on, I didn't mean it. But seriously, how did you find me?"

"Your mana is very distinct," Richter told him with a simple shrug of his shoulders. "I could find you even if you had hidden yourself halfway around the world."

Aster smiled, closing his eyes again and letting the world shine down on him again. He waited in silence, his arms spread out wide as though he meant to embrace the sun and earth all at once.

"Are you ready to go back yet?" Richter asked him after a long time.

Aster didn't hesitate. He opened his eyes, glancing over at Richter, awed by the contrast of his red hair and eyed against the blue, blue sky.

"Yeah," he said softly. "Let's go home."

Aster held out his hand, which Richter grabbed without hesitation. He pulled the shorter man to his feet as Aster turned back to the sky and cupped his hands around his mouth.

"Farewell, dear sky! I shall hope to see you again soon!"

"Stop being a moron," Richter mumbled as they made their way back towards the city in the distance.

"You stop being a hardass then," Aster challenged back.

---

Emil paused, staring down at the fishing pole that he held gently in his hands. The hook hung beneath the surface, yet all of the fish that dared to get too close immediately ran away, as though it were contaminated. Emil brushed a stand of dark hair from his crystal blue eyes, tugging at the rod once more in his impatience.

"Come on," he whispered, shaking the pole bitterly. "Bite it already."

The fish, however, did not want to comply to his need, so instead Emil sat back and stared up at the beautiful sky that spread out before him. He knew he really should be working on his homework, as it was one of his days off school and he had a huge project due, but Emil just didn't have the heart. Lately he had felt as though he could do nothing right. His mother was eager to send him to Sybak's academy, but Emil didn't want to tell her that he just wasn't smart enough. His goal was to shoot for one of the schools in Meltokio and end up studying summon spirits, or perhaps look for a career in the church. He certainly wasn't going to become a fisherman. Not with his lousy skills.

With a sigh, Emil retracted his line and got to his feet, stepping away from his little perch and making his way towards the center of town. Palmacosta was alive this time of year. Summer was rolling in and the fish were biting, so the markets were flourishing. The crowds were so thick Emil found himself apologizing to many people he bumped into. In the distance he could hear the ocean crashing against the docks and the sounds of boats and people enjoying their summer days. The white noise soothed Emil's anxious mind; he knew that eventually he would have to tell his mother about his average marks and his average fishing abilities and his average everything.

He wandered up to a booth and bought three large trout on sale to bring home to his mother. At least then he could pretend he wasn't worth nothing. He placed them in a small bag and tied them to the end of his fishing rod.

As Emil wandered through the busy streets, he spotted Lily, one of the girls in his class and the woman he happened to admire. She was smart and beautiful, funny and athletic. She seemed perfect in his eyes, as though she could do no wrong. They had talked several times, and were considered the average school friends, but Emil doubted they would ever be more than that. She was too... perfect for him. He was about to duck away when Lily spotted him and waved. Emil couldn't stop the smile that tugged on his lips, and instead of trying to hide, decided to make his way over to her.

"Emil!" she called with a smile on her lips. Her long brown hair hung back in a simple braid, brown eyes sparkling like jewels in the sun.

Emil could feel the blush rise in his tanned cheeks as he stepped close. "Hey Lily," he mumbled, unable to come up with a more intelligent response.

"Hey, you ready for that project yet?" Lily asked him with a smile on her lips.

Emil rolled his eyes. "Not really..." he muttered.

Lily smiled and nodded her head away from the busy market. "Wanna walk?" she asked.

Emil could only nod dumbly.

The pair crossed several bridges into parts of town that were more deserted. Emil could feel his palms sweating, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end. He fidgeted nervously, knowing perfectly well she didn't want to talk about the project.

Surprisingly, conversation came easy to the pair as they stood on the bridge and watched the afternoon drag on. Emil let himself relax, feeling contentment wash over him. For just one moment, he let all his anxieties and worries slip away. He stood next to Lily, watching the afternoon drag on to early evening, the people slowly begin to thin, and suddenly nothing mattered but her.

Emil leaned on the bridge they were standing on and stared into the evening sky. The reds and pinks were mesmerizing, and for a moment, Emil wished the sun could hang in the sky forever, before he couldn't bear the thought of losing this moment.

"Emil..." Lily began quietly. "What do you want to do with your life?"

He turned to look at her, rather confused by the question. At first, he chose not to answer, unsure if he would say the wrong thing and anger her. But, when it came down to it, he couldn't just say what he thought that would make her happy.

Shifting nervously, Emi said, "I don't know. I'd like to say I want to be a doctor or a fisherman or something... uh, productive like that." He paused, rolling his eyes. "I'd really like to spend time studying Summon Spirits, but I know I don't have the grades. I'll probably just end up sweeping up in the university or something." He grumbled, placing his head in his hands.

Lily said nothing for a moment. "Who says? I think studying Summon Spirits is a great idea," Lily told him, taking a step closer. "I think you can do whatever you want to Emil. If you had just a bit more confidence, you could be anybody."

Emil turned to her and smiled. "Thanks," he said quietly. "Actually, what I've always wanted to do was join the Church of Martel." He turned away from her, feeling his face heating up in embarrassment. "Not like that'll happen. I'm Sylvaranti after all." When Lily didn't say anything, he could feel his humiliation growing. "I know. It's stupid. Nevermind."

Lily leaned close to him and shook her head. "Not at all. I think it's a great idea."

In a rare show of bravery from the skittish teenager, he reached out and took Lily's hand. Instead of pulling away, she moved to lace her fingers in with his. Emil smiled, stepping closer to the young woman and enveloping himself in her warmth.

"Emil," Lily said quietly. "I don't ever want to let you go."

"Me neither," Emil said, tearing his gaze away from the ocean's horizon to look into her deep brown eyes, feeling himself melting.

"Emil, I really do like you," Lily said with a smile on her lips as she leaned in and pressed her lips to his cheek.

Emil could feel his face growing several shades of red as she pulled away. Lily smiled at him, making Emil feel as though he was going to melt into a puddle of nothing.

"I have to go home or my Dad'll worry," Lily told him, reluctantly letting go of his hand. "I'll see you around, okay?"

Emil watched as Lily turned, making her way across the bridge and disappearing through the town center. He knew there was a dumb smile on his face but he couldn't help it. Emil jumped up with a whoop of joy, turned, and ran towards home.

---

"Awaken, Centurions! Restore the bond with your monsters, and repair the mana of the world!"

Listening to the overwhelming bellow of the Summon Spirit Ratatosk filled Aster with a sincere form of hope. As he looked up at the grand figure far beneath the levels of the Otherworldly Gate, he believed that he would be able to save the world. Ratatosk had seemed reluctant at first, but could it be true? Was he really willing to send out his Centurions to restore the balance of mana? Aster glanced over at Richter, who smiled broadly back at him in return.

"...And then, go eradicate mankind who destroyed my tree!"

Aster's eyes widened in horror at the words that slipped from the summon spirit's lips. His attempt to save the world had just spiralled down into a nightmare. He had thought that awakening the Summon Sprit Ratatosk was a good idea. He'd thought the spirit would be more than willing to help them, but as they found themselves standing before the Door to Nifelhiem, he suddenly wished things could be different. His dream of being able to save the world wasn't going as smoothly as he hoped it would. Things were rapidly falling apart.

The heat around them was blistering, causing sweat to drip down his spine at an agonizing rate. As he stared up at the summon spirit, his entire body froze in fear. How could they stop this summon spirit? How could he and Richter stand up to this beast?

"Wh-what are you doing?" Aster mumbled, stumbling backwards as he gazed upon the grand summon spirit.

"You wanna save the world, right?" Ratatosk sneered. His words were so vile they made Aster's stomach twist.

Swallowing his fear, Aster stepped forwards. "Yes! But you don't have to kill everyone to do that!"

"Who destroyed the Giant Kharlan Tree? It was the humans and the half-elves. That's why they deserve the same treatment themselves."

The truth stating him in the face was blatantly obvious. Everyone knew that the Kharlan war had killed the tree of ever flowing mana. He knew that Ratatosk was still probably more than a little upset at having his home ripped away from him and forced into slumber. But still that didn't mean everyone had to die.

"But... but a new world tree has been born into this world!" Aster argued, his heart restricting, his stomach turning. He felt as though he could roll over and die, because the pain of knowing he might have brought an end to mankind was too much to bear.

"And it's just a matter of time before you humans and half-elves destroy that one as well."

There was so much pain and pessimism in Ratatosk's voice that Aster almost felt sorry for him. Could it be that he just didn't understand? Ratatosk had been asleep for thousands of years. Maybe he hadn't been able to see how humanity had changed.

Aster cast a glance over at Richter, who merely nodded at him. It was all the encouragement Aster needed to keep going. All was not lost, so long as Aster had his friend by his side.

"Don't you understand?" Ratatosk pressed. "You people are nothing more than parasites on this world."

"No! That's not true!" Aster yelled, throwing his hands out to his sides. "Humans and half-elves are a very important part of this—"

"_Silence!_"

The bellow shook something right down in Aster's very core. The charge of mana that suddenly built up was terrifying in its intensity. He watched the purple glow begin to form in Ratatosk's hands, and some detached part of his mind realized precisely what was happening. There would be no way to dodge. Aster was no fighter, and even so, his reflexes were nothing special. His green eyes widened as the glowing energy headed towards him. He felt like a deer caught in the headlights, frozen in place, watching imminent death approaching him with no chance of it derailing from its course.

The blow hit him with untamed force behind it. Aster couldn't even scream as he was thrown backwards. He realized he'd hit the ground at one point, and kept rolling, the mana eating away at him like horrible blue flames. Aster coughed out blood, feeling it everywhere. His head spun and he couldn't breathe. Nothing was in focus anymore. Somewhere, he could hear the muddled voices of Richter and Ratatosk, but everything was fading and fading fast.

"Rich...ter..." Aster whispered meekly, clogging with the blood filling his throat. He tried his best to spit it out, but there was always more blood to replace it. Everything was fading, no matter how hard Aster tried to grasp onto the diming light. He wasn't ready to die yet. He couldn't die yet. He'd never really been outside of Sybak. He hadn't experienced true love.

He never got to save the world.

---

The fires all around them were intense. Emil had never felt heat like this. The roof of a nearby building crashed, sending sparks and smoke billowing up into the sky. Emil glanced around the chaos and the people dying of Palmacosta's Blood Purge, unable, for some reason, to feel panicked. He'd always been able to keep his cool under intense situations, but Emil never knew how intense until now.

He glanced up to his parents who hurried away, trying to get out of town. They called back to him, but he called out an apology as he turned and ran across a nearby bridge. He couldn't just leave yet. He had to find Lily. He had to know if she was okay.

Emil ran faster than he ever had, feeling his entire body ache and his head spin from the smoke in his lungs. The adrenaline running through him pushed him over dead bodies and around collapsing buildings. All around them the officials from the Church of Martel were slaughtering in the name of their goddess. Emil couldn't believe such advocators of peace were doing unspeakable crimes.

He hurried around a bend to Lily's house, moving up the steps and bursting into the burning house. "Lily!" he cried, darting around the smouldering building in search of the sweet young woman. "Lily!"

He knew it was unlikely he'd find her here. She had probably already fled the city. Still, it was a place to start. It didn't matter if Palmacosta burned to the ground and if he had no home. It didn't matter if he was hungry and cold, because as long as she was alive, he could keep going. She gave him a reason to live, and reason to be strong. And now, he had to be strong for her. He had to find her and protect her.

"Lily!" Emil yelled, his call turning into a cry of despair as he found her lying crumpled on the floor of the burning building. Blood pooled around her in shapeless pools, her badly stabbed back turned away from him.

_She could still be alive, _Emil thought desperately as he bent down and cradled her in his arms.

"Lily," Emil moaned weakly, looking her over. Lily's face was pale and her eyes were glazed. She looked up at him with her weak brown gaze and smiled at him.

"Lily," Emil breathed, his eyes collecting tears. He smiled weakly in response, hope welling up inside of him. She could live through this! She was still alive! His disillusioned mind clung to the idea if he could just find a doctor, if he could just get her out of Palmacosta, she could survive. "It's okay Lily," he said quietly. "We'll get you out of here, you'll be okay."

She opened her mouth as though to speak, but all she could do was choke out flecks of blood. Emil's heart twisted in agony. "No... no, Lily, please hold on," he cried as he watched the life fade from her brown eyes.

"No!" He yelled, gripping her tightly, shaking her. "Please, hang on!"

Her hand slipped from his, hitting the ground with a dull thud that sounded deafening in the surrounding chaos.

Emil stared down at her body for a moment in shock. He began to shake, tears escaping and trailing down his face. When a beam collapsed next to him, Emil knew he didn't have time to mourn for her. He grabbed her hand and kissed it several times, whispering his apologies and confessions of love before he turned and bolted from the house.

He hurried over the streets, across bridges and over bodies, moving as fast as his body would let him. He needed to find his parents so they could get out. He spotted them ahead of him, and hurried to catch up.

"Come on, Emil! We must get out of here before Lloyd kills us!" his father called to him.

Emil nodded, no bothering to waste breath as he hurried towards his parents.

"Who, did you say, is going to kill you?"

Emil halted in his tracks, staring up at Lloyd Irving, who stood on top of a fallen beam. The man stood as though he were death itself, drawing twin blades that glinted in the firelight.

The slaughter of his parents happened in less than a minute. Emil screamed as he turned, trying to find a way out, trying to find hope. What was there left for him besides death? The woman he loved was dead, his parents were gone and his house was burned to the ground. He couldn't stay here. He had to keep going. He had to carry on for the sake of Lily, and for the people of Palmacosta.

As he turned, he found himself face-to-face with Lloyd, who glared at him as though he were the root problem, he cause for the Church of Martel to be in Palmacosta. He stumbled backwards in surprise, trying to get away. But he found he wasn't fast enough to avoid the hero of regeneration.

"Die," Lloyd told him, before running his sword through Emil's stomach.

Emil's eyes widened in sudden surprised, shocked that he'd been stabbed, shocked when faced with the fact that he was going to die. He'd never thought he'd die like this, along with hundreds of other people in a meaningless massacre. But maybe, he thought, most people didn't expect to be murdered, and wondered if Lily had felt this overwhelming sense of regret and remorse when she had died.

The pain, oddly enough, wasn't as unbearable as he thought it would be. Blood began to bubble from beneath his fingers as Lloyd pulled the sword from his stomach, and Emil collapsed to his knees. He spit blood from his mouth, feeling it drip down his chin and fall to the ground. Emil fell forwards, down onto the stone streets as he watched Lloyd step away, each footfall deafening in his ears.

He watched the blood drip along the streets, waiting for the cruel grip of death to steal what little he had left to lose. It didn't matter, he realized in retrospect. He had already lost everything that had mattered to him.

In those last moments, he prayed to Martel. He prayed to the goddess, with all his heart, though he wasn't entirely sure what he was praying for.

_Please, please, please, please, _he called out in his mind, though he wasn't sure what he wanted. There wasn't anything the Goddess could grant him now.

From there, Emil gladly slipped into unconsciousness.

---

"_Help me! Help me, Ratatosk!" _

Ratatosk could hear the call, from somewhere deep within his core. Acting without thought, without knowing what was before him, Ratatosk reached out, grabbed his magic, and hatched his own core. He found himself born in the midst of Palmacosta's Blood Purge, the heat all around him from surrounding flames, and dying souls. His eyes had not opened, nor had he dared to move. He breathed in his first gulps of air as a human, and found the smoke burned his lungs.

Peeling open grey eyes, he found himself surrounded by actions of violence and killing, yet none of it reached him. The summon spirit was still within himself, without a mind and therefore without a soul. He tried to move, but found his actions stiff and his body unresponsive. He stumbled through the city at a loss, a single question haunting him in the midsts of his confusion.

_Who am I? _

He stumbled, confused, disoriented. He wasn't alive, had no purpose to be, and therefore had no connection to the world.

Until a dying woman reached out to him, and called him Emil.

The memories of someone long since dead suddenly flooded into his mind. Understanding, attachment, love and overwhelming grief suddenly held him in its fiery grip. Ratatosk wasn't sure what to do with the emotion, didn't know how to handle the sudden stress that had been thrown onto his shoulders. He didn't know how to be human.

With the death of two mortals, with the death of Aster and Emil, Ratatosk breathed life. Both lives unfulfilled, without proper burial, with acknowledgement. But they had died for a purpose; they had not died in vain.

Within the walls of Palmacosta, within the burning buildings and the mountains of corpses, something began to stir. With the blood of Aster and Emil fresh on his hands, the Summon Spirit of the Great Kharlan Tree fell into an illusion, fell into their lives, and for a short while, it allowed him to forget.

Grey faded to green.

Ratatosk had awakened.

"_MOM!!" _

___


End file.
